Caution: Don’t eat while listening to this podcast. I almost died laughing with food in my mouth or on my tongue.
Btw, why MOE wants to use the term “Mother Tongue”? What if there is a student from Hong Kong. Will MOE teach him cantonese? What if my parents know only hokkien? Mother Tongue is defined as “native language” or “parents language”. What if we have Native American students, like Navajo tribe? Why can’t MOE says 2nd language? Guess 2nd language is regarded as lower level. MOE needs to change that stigma. A 2nd language should mean another language taught in school.
That’s a very cheeky broadcast that tickles all the taste buds on anyone’s tongue.
Poking fun with the tip of your tongue at issues that can be teased, yet holding tongue at very sensitive matters….very brilliant indeed!
A transcript of the podcast. This transcript is NOT found in the mp3 as lyrics, I just listened and typed out what they said. Not 100% accurate.
Your mother’s tongue
Sergeant: Good morning class.
Students: Good morning teacher.
Sergeant: My name is Sergeant Major Lim.
Boy 1: Cher, cher. What subject are you teaching us?
Sergeant: I am your new mother tongue teacher, just transfer from second guts. I am here because gahmen say must use new ways to teach Chinese, and other mother language.
Girl: Everything also chiang hwa yu, chiang hwa yu, very the sian one leh.
Sergeant: Recruit, you better wake up your idea. It is important for you to know how to use your mother’s tongue.
Boy 2: But my father say, Chinese not important. English is the lingua franca of the world economy leh.
Sergeant: Oei, dun use dis kind of French bear word in my class ah. What franca here franca there. Maybe your father marry your mother because of your mother’s tongue? How can you say not important?
Boy 1: Cher, cher, I want to go toilet!
Sergeant: Say in Chinese.
Boy 1: Lao shi lao shi, wo yao qu pang jio (老師老師，我要去放尿).
Sergeant: Pang your head lah! Wo yao qu xiao bian (我要去小便)!
Boy 1: Oh ya! Xiao bian!
Sergeant: Go, go!
(Boy 1 left for toilet)
Sergeant: You! Ger! Your chair got two legs spoil izzit?
Sergeant: Or you like to support the wall with your chair izzit? Go and support the wall behind the class now! Hold the wall and say “Help, help. The wall is falling”, in Chinese.
Girl: Y…yes, cher. Jiu ming ah. Jiu ming ah. Che ke chiang yao die dao ler (救命啊，救命啊。這個牆要跌倒了).
Sergeant: Ger! The wall is not a person. He cannot die dao. The wall yao dao le.
Girl: Y…yes, cher.
Sergeant: Dun worry. You will learn faster under me. You (looking at B2)! How to say what I just said in Chinese.
Boy 2: Er…er, bu yao dan xin, ni hui xue hen kuai, zai wo xia mian (不要擔心，你會學很快，在我下面).
Sergeant: Oi, you just said “You will learn very fast at my underneath”! You try to be funny izzit? I dun give privates tuition understand? Go and touch the canteen auntie and run back!
Boy 2: Yes, cher.
Boy 1: Cher, cher! Where you learn your mother tongue from?
Sergeant: Ask me in Chinese.
Boy 1: Er, ni na li xue ni ma de she tou (你哪裡學你媽的舌頭)?
Sergeant: Ei, your Chinese damn condemn can? You taught liddis one kind of Chinese, outside sure kena whack!
Girl: Cher, mother tongue exam still must pass then can go up for secondary school izzit? My Chinese very weak one leh.
Sergeant: Ya lah! That is why I’m here to helch (help) you. To helch you lick your exam. With my new methods, together, we will lick your mother’s tongue.
Note: Traditional Chinese characters used because I support them. And a bit of the Mandarin pronunciations here are based on the pronunciation of the words and not the pinyin itself.
I doubt the podcast can actually be helpful to the learning process. The students were speaking Singlish, there was bad grammar, and when Mandarin Chinese was spoken, it was a Chinese more akin to a western English speaker than a Singlish speaker. It was like someone who can’t speak English well now pretending to have an western accent when speaking Mandarin. What do you end up with? Sorry, yes, laughable.