the mrbrown show: durian tender

Durian Tender

Durian sellers! Think your durians are superior? Can you meet highest standards of the land?

Podcast iconPodcast: the mrbrown show 9 July 2007: durian tender (MP3, file size: 3.9mb, Time: 00:07:59)


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37 Responses to “the mrbrown show: durian tender”

  1. ginola77 Says:

    This is nonsence isn’t it? Even durian have a set of rule!? I think no tender in their right mind understand those set of rule!

  2. Tim TIng Says:

    each time you post such a qoutation on Gebiz is S$12/-, wat a waste of tax payer money on such qouatation.
    for those who are interested in the link to the document, it is: the link to Gebiz document

  3. pro-mata Says:

    what’s wrong? buy 1200kg durians for staff welfare occasions of course must properly call for quotation wat… mata just suka-suka take cash and go Geylang buy har? the rest a bit ridiculous but is due to the need to have some objective measure for selection. I applaud the transparency.

  4. Proto Says:

    Wah, now Singapore SOCOM buying Durians? For what sia? To use as a weapon of mass stinkiness?

  5. Sing Chyun Says:

    For those of us who are interested in following the progress of this ITQ, simply follow these steps:

    1. Browse to
    2. Look out for “Past Opportunities” in the left menu. Under it, click “Tenders & Quotations”.
    3. In the “Search for” dropdown list, select “ITQ/ITT No”. Then enter the ITQ number HOMSPFETQ0700100 into the text field beside it.
    4. Then click the “Search” button beside.
    5. From the search results, simply click on the hyperlink to view the details of this ITQ.

    See which heroic durian uncle gets awarded!

  6. Desmond Lim Says:

    WTF! you really have to be joking, a government agency doing this?! Does our million dollar ministers know about it? Who is the IDIOT that authorised it? So the extra money we are paying the “decision makers” are for this?


  7. FreddieTan Says:

    To: Pro-mata;

    I totally disagreed with your statement.

    The most sickening statement;

    ( ” I applaud the transparency. ” )

    Really stink !

  8. fynyx Says:

    Hi everyone.

    Firstly, a government document should have a suitably high standard of English.
    Here are a few initial (of many) errors in the specifications document:
    1) Title: “OPERTIONS” is spelt wrongly; should be “OPER_A_TIONS”;
    2) Still Title: “DURIAN” should be “DURIAN_S “, given that “1200KG” of it typically comes as individual discrete fruits, and not as some stinking yellow mass.
    3) Introduction: Should be “This document lay_s out”
    etc., etc., ad nauseam.

    Secondly, since standards are so demanding, such that your typical durian vendor may likely fail to satisfy, it is best to just donate the 1,200 kg from the cream of the crop (pun intended) — take it as a contribution to the welfare of the nation.
    So make sure you have the stock & the money to throw away on all those freebies.
    And smile — have this warm, glowing feeling inside.

    And thirdly, I ask pro-mata (July 10th, 2007 at 1:28 am) –
    1) What “objective measure(s) for selection” were you referring to? No technical formulae were cited for use, other than a long series of demanding requirements.
    3) What “transparency” are you “applauding” here? Certainly not the caught-with-clothes-off kind.

  9. Steven Says:

    My interpretation: The 11 sessions are the actual delivery, not tasting session. The tasting session is only at Special Operations Command, Queensway Base.

    If all the transportation costs, manpower and disposal of husks for the 11 delivery sessions added in, the vendors would be drinking WestNorth Wind.

  10. Saisenghee Says:

    I didnt want to say anything but found some comment questionable, maybe they didnt understand the probable reason for this tender. Durian for Dog Unit of Police Force. Remember the 2 dogs used for sniffing fake cd/vcd? I assume these were use to train the dog (smell) for smuggling of drugs or explosive materials. What if someone smuggle drugs by putting inside the durians? How? How does the durian guy check the durian when you buy it. cut a triangle shape, etc…. like Phua chu Kang say, use your blain, use your blain.

  11. zhiliao Says:

    people out there…any idea what ur criticisms can lead to? ever thought that while u r laughing away, someone could be losing their bonus or even rice bowl? any idea whether someone might need to spend OT trying to better secure this gebiz system while u are sharing this joke with ur family n friends? everyone is just trying to earn a living and we can’t control who our bosses are. y be so hard on each other?

  12. pants Says:

    hi fynyx,

    assuming you’ve been through conscript service, it’s clear who did up the quotation/tender, isn’t it?

  13. ITQ for 1200kg of durians « life @ anchorvale Says:

    […] ITQ for 1200kg of durians 10 07 2007 What an interesting find! From the mrbrown show, I got to know that the Ministry of Home Affairs-Singapore Police Force has recently posted an ITQ for “Supply and delivery of superior grade durian”. The total weight of durians to be supplied is, believe it or not, 1200kg - that’s more than a tonne! […]

  14. Sebastian Says:

    I still am not so clear. How about the seeds, er, what size must they be?

    I am also wondering if the million dollar minister incharge of the home team is going to be invited to eat these durians. Seriously, a waste of time and tax payers money.

  15. Totally mind-boggling that gahmen agency do such quotations « My Public Personal Grumblings Says:

    […]  […]

  16. Desmond Lim Says:

    Dear Saisenghee, if it really for dog training, why does it need to be top quality? Wouldn’t they need all types of quality (I’m making the assumption that they have different basic smells)? Next, why does it need to be 60% bitter (or whatever the percentage)? Next, why then is there a tasting session (for the dogs)?

    Not that I’m an expert, but I do think that dogs can still sniff out drugs or other contrabands even if it packed in durians. I have heard of smugglers use things like cat feces, snakes and they were still sniffed out by the dogs.

    Furthermore, wouldn’t it be easier to just go out and buy it and then claim it back via petty cash? This is a government agency and they would have petty cash.

  17. Saisenghee Says:

    Desmond, we assume and guess what these are for. I doubt the garmen will reply or give reason for doing so. SECURITY is the word. We play guessing game lor. Yes, why this and that? What does durian and dog share in common? the smell, one gives and the other detects. Hmn…. wonder why?…Cannot talk so much la, Internal Security Dept , bla bla.. thanks anyway.

  18. Liang YS Says:

    1200kg - that’s one basket of durians, right? or more?
    I think saisengghee may be right about this being for dog training unless those guys are really having a big durian party!
    Why the bitter and sweet categories - you been thru NS - you train in different environment - so you train the dog for different types of durian.
    Maybe that’s how they train those irish dogs used recently to sniff out contraband VCD in Malaysia!

  19. mr. white Says:

    If it is for dog training, no matter how far fetched (pun intended here also) the question of why there must be tasting sessions remains.

  20. spynamebungo Says:

    what?! no mangosteens?!!?!?! how will we survive?!?!?!?!!!!!

  21. Ian Says:

    “1200kg - that’s one basket of durians, right? or more?”

    Um…. more like a lorry load?

  22. sing chyun Says:

    1200kg - that’s more than a tonne, meaning it’s heavier than a Toyota Vios. :)

    “Superior grade” durians such as 猫山王 don’t come cheap… they cost at least S$10 per kg. I just bought some at S$12 per kg last week. Sure tasted good. Yummy…

  23. Sean Tay Says:

    They are making the requirements extremely ridiculous and difficult to comply with to frighten away others. They already have someone in mind to supply the durians - it’s just a fcuking procedure thing.

  24. NGUM NGUM HO Says:

    Has the tender been vetted before publication? The content is not scientific and the poor grammar allows for misinterpretation. I wonder if the provider could ever satisfy those subjective requirements. It seems that the specification is crafted with bias towards the requester.

  25. JayWalk Says:

    Just a comment here.

    The use of the artificial voice really serve no constructive purpose as it is poorly done and more of a distraction than an enhancement.

    I doubt if you are getting any credit from trying to inject some novelty.

  26. Idiot Says:

    Can anyone explain to me why is it a waste of money? Seems like it’s quite easy to comment without substantiating (even some stupid reason will do, humor if not reason will suffice for me).

    I agree that the language leaves much room for improvement. Knowing that documents, especially those from the civil service would get exceptional scrutiny from the public, the document should be of a much higher quality. Had this been a document from ABC Pte Ltd, people wouldn’t even notice the grammatical errors.

  27. NGUM NGUM HO Says:

    You have to understand that this is a tender and we’ll usually try to prevent any ambiguity within any specifications. It’s not a matter of good or bad language. And of course you must at least have some level of proficiency in that language otherwise forget about tendering.

  28. taizi Says:

    1200kg @ $12/kg is almost $15,000 of tax payer’s money… if some1 in e gov take this money, go 2 his uncle’s durian stall n buy durian from his uncle, isnt this corruption? put it up 4 every1 2 c on e website is a better way 2 go, imho. unless some1 can think of a better way 4 gov 2 buy tings?

    i not from gov. i m in presales position, n part of my job is 2 write proposal 2 bid 4 job. at least it is open, not like some other country, where you dont even know e gov is buying things.

    e.g. if my company is e “leader” in network products, yet this ABC country go n buy network component from some sweat shop company without letting me have a chance 2 showcase my product, you think is fair? esp small companies, may not have the “connection” 2 know everything that’s going on in e gov. a lot of opportunities is going to be lost because of “I don’t know”

    i’m not defending e durian thing. i just 1 2 point out that e process as a whole (while not perfect) is already quite good. unless someone can suggest a better method for public money to be spent, most of what i c here r senseless emotional guessing bashing whatever

  29. Irony Says:

    For an official document, the grammar does leave much to be desired. But I do wonder about the amounts, In order to call for Gebiz tender the minimum amount to be spent is $70,000. For an ITQ the amount is between 15-70k so the person writing this document, may not know his Gebiz, does not know his english and after all this bashing, I hope he did ask his superiors about the feasibility of such a call for tenders/ITQ…. btw, do you guys think that the durain sellers who can provide the quality durains will even want to participate in or have the means or time to go hunting around the gebiz system to quote and provide the sampling?? lol, would be good to know the companies who eventually quote in this call.

  30. taizi Says:

    lol u’ll be surprise. i did a search and realised it was awarded already! apparently someone did tender for it. i’ve been to their stall once, near my house. maybe the media spotlight on this results in more awareness, and so the durian seller just go in and bid. hahaha

  31. EC Says:

    Think the title in the picture is spelled wrongly.

  32. catherine Says:

    why can I find the durian tender podcast?

  33. mb Says:

    It’s here catherine. Just click on the triangle to listen or right-click the link after the word Podcast, to save it to your PC.

  34. sing chyun Says:

    Congrats to 717 Trading (ACRA Reg No. 34515800L), which have been awarded the job at S$8,400!

    Hey, that’s only S$7 per kg. Guess the policemen won’t be eating 猫山王 after all. ;)

    Again, here’s how to view the award details of this tender (yeah, the steps are tedious; can someone educate the guys at DSTA about permanent links?)

    1. Browse to
    2. Look out for “Past Opportunities” in the left menu. Under it, click “Tenders & Quotations”.
    3. In the “Search for” dropdown list, select “ITQ/ITT No”. Then enter the ITQ number HOMSPFETQ07001000 into the text field beside it.
    4. Then click the “Search” button beside.
    5. From the search results, simply click on the hyperlink to view the details of this ITQ.

  35. EE Says:

    Now we know what are the Singapore Police Force is doing everyday….

  36. xlINK Says:

    RETURN MY TAXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. Junwei Says:

    wa lao eh dis my 3rd fill cannopen

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